The Perfect Love (From Atchi Micah) =]

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone- To have a deep soul relationship with one another- To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to a christian says, NO, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone- With having a intensely personal and unique relationship that I have planned for you You will never be united with another or anything else, exclusive of other desires or longings I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing- One that you cannot imagine. I want you to to know the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things- Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That's all. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or what I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you And then when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would have dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this very moment to have the both of you ready at the same time) Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me, and that life I have prepared for you, you wont experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love, that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.

FINALLY!

DECEMBER is finally here, and there are only 28 more days left in 2009. I Can't wait for this year to be over. I'm ready for a fresh new start and other things to look forward to. I'm done with you, 2009, you were good to me, and then disappointed me when I was at my highest peak...But that's life right? We move forward and no longer look back =] Hopefully if all goes well next year, I'll be out and about. Wishful thinking I know, but I've never once abused my vacation "rights" so I'm sure everything will go well. Its time for me to see more of the world on my own, I've never traveled anywhere with out my parents, and I think this will be good for me. I'm always craving for independence, so here it is...that AND if the Admin. allows this, and if the means are there....PNW (Canada & Seattle), PI, Midwest, & SoCal here I come!

WHY?
1. PHILIPPINES: I've never been on an international without my family. I've only been there once, last time was in 2001, and I'd really love to go to PI for a special service like Thanksgiving or HS.

2. PNW (Canada & Seattle): Brittany's there! She's lonely, so we're gonna visit her and her kawawa-ness. And there are rumors of there being cute boys who will spoil us while we were there =]

3. MIDWEST: Its where my childhood memories are, and I miss it. It's homey there, and I miss everyone. I'll try to make my rounds; Wisconsin, Chicago/Bloomingdale, Minnesota, Colorado, Texas and Kansas City...HOPEFULLY!

4. SOCAL: is always a MUST. HOME is where the heart is, and it's always been there <3

And of course there will be the usual weekend get-a-ways, which I didn't do much of this year. Its hard living SO far away from the bay area and everything and everyone else I love in NorCal.

So this was kind of pointless, but it makes my plans LEGIT, and I DON'T just talk, I'M A DO'er....SOMEONE HIRE ME...traveling is not free =/

Satisfied =]

HAAAAAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE!

I'll keep this short and sweet...
Thanks for EVERYthing looves; Daddy, Mama, Gelly, Samm, Family, friends, BFF's & my PK giiirls. Ya'll mean the world to me....straaaight up <3

Battlefield

"FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES"
Self explanatory, right? Too bad some people who SAY they do, DON'T.
I'll leave it at that.

RIP Daisy Huerto

I never thought I would even get attached to a family pet, and then we brought Daisy home. Even though she was the biggest diva and was a pain in the butt to try and potty train her, I loved her. I loved her since the first time I layed eyes on her, she was my baaabygiirl. She was always so loving and entertaining every moment we spent together. I'm going to miss how excited she would get with her favorite squeeky toy and how excited she would get when any of us would come back home from being out of the house for the whole day, and her sully tricks she learned on her own to get our attention....Me, Gelly & Sam loved her...Daddy couldn't stand her, but I know deep down inside he loved her just as much as we did. She was MY first real pet (we had Tigger, but she belonged to Sam) and she only lived to be 8 months old, she was still a baby =/

During the end of my emo summer Daisy was always there for me, she was the only one who saw me cry over Michael, and in the middle of the nights when I'd cry, I'd go outside to the hall and just hug her...and she'd hug me back, because she knew how sad I was =/ She would always accompany me whenever I'd pick up my brother from school, and would always be so excited to hop right into the car with me. She was my passenger at my loneliest and lowest times =/

I love you Daisy Huerto.

"We've come a long way, huh?"

You know that feeling you have when you've like someone for so long, and then you finally let them go, and then suddenly BAM! They slowly come back into your life? That feeling makes me nervous and anxious and excited all at the time. I'm getting that 'butterflies in my stomach' feeling all over again. =] He's never let me down, and has always been there for me. And now...he's the one leaving me. I always thought it'd be the other way around. Our family would get the call, and I'd pack up and leave and he'd finally realize how much he'd miss me when I'm gone....I guess I just want more time, more time to spend together. And this time, I'm gonna tell him how I feel. No more holding my feelings back, no more second guessing this weird and beautiful friendship that we've developed. No more "WHAT IF'S"...


4 years of ups and downs...what more could I ask for, right?

No relevance

It was a very good weekend, I must say! District volleyball was awesome, didn't do as well as we hoped we would, but at least we beat 2 locales of the 3 in our conference, but apparently you have to win all 3 to move up to quarterfinals. Regardless, the woman's team was amazing with a few minor setbacks and drama the past week we were great! Can't wait 'til next year! It was nice to see all the loves and family that I haven't seen since the 95th, I've really missed them, like reaaally missed them. LJay is back home this month too, oh and so is Ian. It's always nice seeing the BEM's when they're on semester break and come 'home', wish they could stay longer, but that's the life! Ohhh the ministry <3

October has been good to me so far, cut off a few people in my life who are no longer needed or I guess should say were never needed to begin with; they were taking up too much space. HA! And this month has given me a few people whom which I feel will forever have a place in my heart. REAL TALK.

"You're insecurities are for my mere entertainment"

I'm usually not the girl who's insecure or even gets insecure...but for some reason, when I saw her (not even knowing if it's really his ex), but this girl, she's gorgeous! Well, I think so at least. I know shouldn't even be thinking like this, nor should I even make myself feel like this but once I asked what her name was, Damn! It hit me, it hit me hard. He could possibly be back with her, she could still be in love with him, he could be trying to get her back...I mean what would I know, right? I've become those people I make fun of...the one's who I say, "Your insecurities are for my mere entertainment" WOW. I don't like this at all. This is why I DON'T like lurking into people's past relationships, this is why I don't ask about ex's...Was this some kind of sign? Me just raaaaandomly stumbling upon her picture, and me asking Mhyrees who that girl was?





I just want to forget about June 13th-August 4th...for now at least.

All warm and fuzzy inside

It's nice when you haven't talked to one of your best friends in literally months and you just finally get the chance to play catch up, it feels like nothing's changed. I miss the closeness my 2 best friends and I used to have when we were younger...3 way calls, prank calls, sleepovers, hanging out at church, school, stupid fights over boys... I miss having girlfriends!

Raiza and I haven't talked to each other since the weekend of the 95th...it was nice we got to catch up tonight...we really only talk to each other after MONTHS of not talking! I'm glad nothing's changed =]

Right from wrong?

Sometimes, I worry about the well being of some people, people who are in the Church and people who aren't in the church, mostly brethren who are in the church though. I understand it's only natural to have questions about our teachings and to question some things that you don't understand, in the end, once you get the RIGHT answer, the answer that comes from a Minister or the bible, if you don't have that mutual agreement inside of you, inside of your conscience, does that at all bother you? Does it make you question your own faith?

At times I wonder some people continue to going to worship services when all they do is question the lessons, the Administration, the Ministers, or when they just complain about "Why can't we do this...or that...or go clubbing, or drink...or live with our boyfriends or girlfriends?" ...Everything has a reason, every rule that was made has a reason behind it, you know? The Administration just doesn't make up these rules for us to follow, they have their reasons. I'm usually not one to judge a person's faith, who am I, you know? It just bothers me that there are some brethren like this, who go on everyday criticizing the things we have learned in the Worship Services and the things we've been learning since CWS...

And for you younger people out there, I get it...you want your chance to "taste" the world, you want to experience things...but isn't it just good enough to know that out of all the other people in this world, we'll be saved? I don't want to come off all 'Holy-Moly' and stuff...But I've learned my lessons, and have seen what consequences and the punishments that other people have gone though, and I would never want to go through that...

Be wise, it's a different time. That's all.

HURRY UP ALREADY!

I'm soooo over 2009 right now. 2010 needs to come already. These next few months better go by hellaaaa quick, because this year needs to be done with and out of my memory bank (minus a few good tid-bits). I want to start over already, have a new and fresh outlook for the rest of the year. I thought THIS YEAR was gonna be MY YEAR and my time to shine...Not even close. I'm so disappointed with people, 'so called' friends, some events, myself...UGH.

Can it just be December already? I'm SoCal bound...I'm goin' HOME <3

HA HA HA

Please excuse the last post. I was being a baby... I'm good now! THANKS ;)

It's THAT kind of day...

I feel like you're playing me for a damn fool. Is this really worth it? Am I gonna have any benefit from this in the end? Do you even think about how I felt? Do you even think about me anymore?

I don't know why I'm feeling so frustrated today...I should be content with this 'relationship' right? Well our uhhhh HALF 'relationship'. I wish it was July again...I wish it was summer again...We had a good summer, didn't we? How do two people who talked evvvvery single day go down to talking to only ONCE a week? I erno...I shouldn't be complaining though, right? He said he was trying...Why oh why do you do this to me? Why do you make me feel like this? I miss you, UGH =]

I AM CONTENT, just a bit frustrated and some things need to fall into place a bit, but I am content.

That was my vent for the day. THE END.

....11:18 pm
Went to lunch at BJ's today, where we had our first 'date'...damn, I almost cried when I walked inside. UGH, I'm such a girl. I hate this. I'm hellaaaaaaa missing you right now. I miss my girlfriends. I miss my childhood, I miss LA, I miss Eagle Rock, I miss SoCal. I don't need anymore friends. Why do I feel like crying right now? I'm listening to that song when we got lost together in San Jose...=/ I think I've developed trust issues. You hurt me, and I thought those wounds have mended, but damn...here they are...open and hellaaaa hurting. FACK. I can't wait to go back home to Eagle Rock in December. It's muuuch needed.

Other Side by Melissa Polinar

life can be a winding road
you take a step bringing you closer
closer to what you don't
know exactly where it goes
what in the world is going on
so crazy
yet so amazing

how life can be so bittersweet
how the rains falls down
and the sun shines so brightly from heaven
from heaven

Chorus:
if we let them
day and night will pass right by
you gotta tell them slow down
so take the moment
to look all around you
see the sky
and what is on the other (side)

side by side in harmony
the voice of faith
tells us that answers and questions
are one in the same
different possibilities
who in the world we need to be
so crazy
yet so amazing

how love can be the one to say
when the tears fall down
and the smile shines so brightly
from heaven, from heaven
(chorus)

(bridge)
what's on the other side
is forever, and ever, and ever
here, time is so precious
so remember, remember, remember
(chorus)

ONE.

It's been ONE MONTH since our so called 'break' and I must say as of right now, remembering all the words that were said, the lonely nights, the puffy eyes, the sick to my stomach feeling, the hoping that you'd call or finally go online. I can remember almost every single detail that happened on this day a month ago. I can't say that I'm over you, because I'm not. I can't say I don't miss you, because I hellaaaaa do. Slowly but surely my heart has mended, and surely God answers prayers and mends things that were broken. I'm glad we're slowly getting back how summer used to be, because it's all I really want, no expectations, no issues, no worries, just ME & YOU.

Remember that I don't...actually WE don't break promises.
I still have high hopes for us, no matter what, I'm patiently waiting; 'Nuff said.

"You comfort me in every prayer"

Thank You for always listening to my prayers, most especially when I need you the MOST. Thank you for comforting my heart when I feel like the pains and heart aches will never go away. Thank you for giving me second chances. Thank you for keeping safe me wherever I go. Even the small and simple things I ask for, Thank you for providing it all to me. I know I'm so undeserving at times, but Thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful life; a blessed life, a sure life, a life in the holy Ministry, and a life filled with wonderful, loving, and caring people. <3


Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Forever engraved in my heart.

It really hit me more today, than it did yesterday...but this memory will forever be engraved in my heart. I posted this as my Facebook status but, it was just a short summary due to character capacity. So here it is in semi-full detail...

APRIL 2001: Going back home to the Philippines for the FIRST time in 14 years. I was really afraid to go back, I've heard stories about the Philippines both good and bad, I was excited, scared, and sad all at the same time, I didn't want to miss out on 2 weeks worth of upcoming events, 2 weeks worth of school and I was really going to miss my friends. With all those emotions dwindling, it was still a great honor and privilege to be one of chosen Ministerial families as the FIRST batch of Ministerial families to go back for our Dad's conference and Balikbayan Day.

I think we left our apartment in Eagle Rock around for LAX around 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon, The Rivera's, Caparas', Lola Mommy, Brinas', Ramos', The Long Beach Uncle's were there, and a few other brethren who I can't remember were also there to help us with all of our luggage and send us off. When we got to the Airport, I realized that I forgot one of my carry-on's, Kuya Alan and Lola Mommy went to go back to the apartment to pick it up, thank goodness it was still early when I realized this.

Once we landed in Manila, a rush of emotions took over me, excitement, fear, nervousness, etc. The heat was different, the people were different, it was a whole new experience. We were then greeted and escorted by a few of Tatay Erdy's own body guards. We stayed at one of the pastoral houses in Quezon City was it? and reunited with the other Minister's families that we haven't seen in years; Cayabyab's, Serreno's, Salanga's, and San Gabriel's. We all did the whole tourist thing, go around the shopping malls, ride the jeepney's, taxi's, and buses, visit family we haven't seen since we've left the Philippines, hang out together basically almost every other day, but the most anticipated days were being able to worship at the Templo, the Tour of New Era, the Tour of the Central office, meeting all of the other minster's of Central, Museum trip, and most of all meeting Tatay Erdy once again after so many years.

The day we all finally got to reunite with Tatay Erdy was one of the MOST MEMORABLE days of my life. This part of our trip I remember like it was yesterday... For my sister and brother, and a few of the younger Minster's kids, this was their first time meeting Tatay Erdy. I met him once when I was maybe a year old, and this was before we moved to Daddy's first assignment in America; Milwaukee, WI. This was also the day we had a tour of the Central Office, Ate Thea, Me, and Ate Ivah even got interviewed by the radio station. Sitting in the waiting area seemed so long, I could feel everyone's excitement and anxiousness. I remember my parents telling us what to say when we meet Tatay Erdy, "Tell him how old you are.", "Don't forget to say Opo." and so on and so forth. Finally, we were all called in by family, I was so nervous, when it was our turn, I just remember seeing his gentle and kind face. When he greeted me he still remembered my name after all those years, he said to me, smiling "Ang dalaga mo na, Arianne... haha Naiintindihan mo tagalog?" And I said, "Opo, kaunti, po..." and he just laughed and he shook my hand.

After that, all of the families went to the cafeteria to have lunch together, and all of us kids were super excited and pretty much speechless. We took pictures of our hands that we shook Tatay Erdy's hand with, and were just pretty much in awe.

Thank you for one of the BEST memories, You'll forever be in my heart Tatay <3

The end is near.

Revelations 14: 13 - Then I heard a voice from Heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."

Tatay Erdy, you'll be missed, Po! THANK YOU for all the care and concern you have given to my family, the ministerial families, and all of the brethren all around the world. Your legacy will truly be remembered... <3

Dear God, Please allow me to be ready when Your Son returns.

Lessons, decisions and then some

The past few worship services have really made me thankful for all the things God has given to me in my life, most especially my family, duties, and all the other wonderful things and people he's given me. Which makes me feel a bit bad about my decision to step down from being a KADIWA Officer next year. The only reason why I've decided to step down is because some people or person, I will not say which...think I'm trying to take over the organization...blah blah blah! Oh please, no thank you. I don't need the extra drama...I'm just here to help, most especially when a few our officers lag and don't contribute to anything, which is fine, that's life, and that's how people are, but its sucks when they're the ones who are talking all that mess. It gets hard though, you know? We're all human. Since the 1st week I've moved here, I've done nothing but put in that extra 2 cents, possibly more to help out in everything, and I DO see the progress, I just feel like once I leave, it won't continue with it's consistency, I'm afraid all of the hard work we've ALL done the past 2 years will slowly go back to how it was before. Not only am I, but so are 9 other officers, and we 14 officers. Its a bit scary, but I guess we'll never know what everyone else is capable of unless we let go, right? I mean I'M for sure not gonna be in Fresno forever, obviously. But we'll see...it's only August, well...SEPTEMBER practically. I still have time to think about this decision.

Oh and this is RANDOM, but these SoCal fires are freaking me out. Is this a preview of what Judgment Day is gonna look like? Oh maaan...but anyway, BE SAFE everyone!

Annnd LASTYLY despite all my emo-ness this past month....I'm doing GREAAAT! Slowly but surely things are going back to normal, and my eyes are no longer puffy and disgusting at night, random have been filled with good conversations, and I've been sleeping better. But forreaaal God hellaaa listens, He KNOWS wuuussup! Let's just say that ;)

Don't forget about me...

Lemoore's 25th anniversary, June 13, 2009 = Gooood day, "Hey who's that dude in the blue?!", "Oh he's a cuuutie! Hollaaa", "Hey, ima hook you up with that foo hahah", Referee'ing, "sleeping", "Noooo, I didn't sneak out", Hanford, BBQ'ing, Cranium, Mafia in the dark, Spiders, "That kind of girl", Surprise IM's, Surprise Facebook messages, "With a brother from Long Beach ;)", Surprise phone calls, July 2nd, "Sweetie", "My dear", Meeting my mom, Lunch at BJ's, Forgetting to bring church clothes, Macy's, 80% off?!, "Go get those shoes!", .... ;), You had me at HELLO, Nightly convo's, The question's game, Nightly convo's, The question's game, WE don't break PROMISES, 4:30 am wake up calls, "Nightly convo tonight, okay?", Call me later?, Online shopping, "You can use my camera", 95th Anniversary Weekend, Mixer, McDonald's turned Jack in the Box run, "Ayyye, I'm gonna ask for directions", "Walk on the OTHER side of me", "Okay, FINE, give me your arm!", Kiss me through the Phone by Souljah Boy, "This is how we do in Long Beach", Staying out late at my hotel, BUT outside, SCAN's watching us!, Can you just stay a liiiittle bit longer?, "I'm sleeepy", Lee's Noodle's, Late night adventures, Bad at directions, "WE don't even live here!", Wasting gas in San Jose, nightly convo's, 5:30 am wake up calls, nightly convo's, Don't forget to call me in the morning, No need to rush into things, I like talking to you =], I don't mind the wait. <3




Miss you.
Don't forget me.

Strength

"You are my strength when I grow weary
In time of loneliness and despair
And with your love for me unfailing
You comfort me in every prayer."

Blessed and then some.

I'm truly blessed with amaaaazing friends and family. At times I know I take them fore-granted because I'm literally alwaaays busy with all my church and school stuff, and I don't get a chance to talk to them as much as I would like, and I'm sure the feeling is the same vice versa. I feel like I've taken them even more fore-granted this past month because of my 'emo-ness', and it's obvious that I'm not myself right now, but I'm glad my friends and family always make that extra effort to always check up on me, and continuously do so, even when I don't let them. I love them, thanks for caring you guys <3

I'm slowly letting go and slowly coming into the realization that this whole 'being patient' process might take a while, and like I said, "I'm willing to wait" and I'm sticking to my word, I really thought this was gonna be an easy process, you know, wait a few days, and maybe a week or two at the longest...but people need time to heal, and I can't be as selfish as I would like to be, I'm being considerate to his feelings as he did with mine. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? But we'll see though, right? Only God knows what the future holds, but I'm praying for bigger and better thangs and to keep me strong no matter what happens...

So last night I was talking to Mhyrees; she just turned 21... She's ONLY a year younger than me, but when she was younger, I thought of her as just this little girl who was annoying, and when I would see her at school or even at church, I would just say HI to be nice, but other times I would just try and avoid her...HAHA Sorry Mhyrees! But I never thought she'd have so much significance in my life. The girl has most def. grown up. It still amazes me with the amount of maturity she has. Even though we're far away from each other, she is always in total 'Mama Mode' and always checking up on me, and is always willing to give me advice but its never too overwhelming and is always considerate of my feelings, especially when I'm hellaa emotional. Last night, it hit me, and she is FORREAAL my sister, we've always said we were adopted sisters, but she IS my sister =] Thaaanks for everything, MAH-RES =]

You feelin' me?

You said you didn't want to see me get hurt,
so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried?

I wish I had the guts to walk away
and forget about what we had.
But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me,
and I guess that's what hurts the most.

Nobody said it was easy...
no one ever said it would be this hard.

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

22 years.

For the first time ever in my 22 years of life, I can truly say that I'm HEART BROKEN, and I'm THAT girl...the 'broken hearted girl'. This is one of the most painful feelings in the world, and I don't like it, the feeling feels endless and literally heart pounding pain.

Dear God, please give me the strength to not feel like this anymore...Make me a stronger person, allow US to get through this, allow me to get through this, and most of all, give me the strong Faith and Patience. Amem.

The questions game...

Is this all fun and games to you?
What do you want from me?
Where do we go from here?
Is this how it is?


Miss you. 2 words, that's all.

Come away with me...

I'm really in NEED of a get-away...Fresno is depressing me right now totally putting a downer on my mood, and it's not helping.

Monday, First day of Fall Semester & the surprise of my week...can't say I was excited, and I can't say it made my day, but now I'm wondering, "What now?"...him and I , we're good, so we said...but are WE? I don't know...this is sooo frustrating, endless, tiring, emotional, draining, unpredictable...any more adjectives?

Things I want you to know...

Instructions:
1) List things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.


1. I'm not okay, okay?!

2. I've NEVER cried over someone as much as I have for you.

3. I know I should move on, but there's something inside of me that just keeps holding onto you. I'm stuck.

4. August has been the suckiest month this year.

5. My friends think your a jerk for putting me through this; waiting for you, telling me how you feel and then telling me you're not ready, but there's no reason
to be angry with you and makes it hurt even more. I think you're amazing.

6. I feel like you hellaaa played me.

7. I'm hurting inside, literally.

8. You've made me an emotional wreck.

9. Things are gonna get better right?

10. There's so many things I want to say to you, but you won't let me.

11. I hope you feel as down as I do right now, maybe even worse. Mean, right?

12. When I was with you, I couldn't breathe, the good kind though.

13. Me being a girl, my period, being stressed out, and crying is not a good mix.

14. My Facebook status' are about you, I hope you know that.

15. You're hellaaa childish, I hate that we can't even talk.

16. I miss the nightly convo's and 5:30 wake up calls =/

17. Beyonce's 'Broken Hearted Girl' is my song, I've become the broken hearted girl.

18. I'm sorry for being selfish, but is it bad that I just want you all to myself?

19. I'm blessed to have met you.

20. I haven't felt cute at all this month, thanks. My eyes are always puffy, and

21. I'm always thinking about you.

22. You broke your promise =/

23. I'm waiting for you. Please don't make me wait too long.

Goodbye Summer...

This is the last week of so-called "freedom". School starts again on Monday and in a way I'm somewhat excited, now I have thaangs to do, "people" to see, and things to keep me preoccupied and not think about my current situation, annnd my late nights will consist of homework and readings...Oh joy.

Let's re-cap this summer shall we? Okay! I must admit, that this summer wasn't all that. A few highlights I must say were my summer "fling" and of course, the 95th Anniversary weekend. Both in which totally made Summer '09 a hellaaa memorable one. The summer fling I have to admit was amazing, I can finally say that I had one, and thank you Michael for being a part of it. Although I'm still hurting inside, I know that you're still worth the wait, and whatever happens in the future, I only hope for good things, whether or not it's with you or without you. The 95th was an amazing experience, and I'm glad I was able to witness it with my family, close friends and what was it? 17,000+ brethren. The lesson was amazing along with the GEMNET presentations, and the broadcasting of the 95th Anniversary Celebration in the Philippines and special message from Tatay Erdy. God's presence was among us at the HP Pavilion, and it was a great feeling to have felt it. It was definitely a weekend I wish I could relive over and over again... I can't wait for the 100th!

Until next summer =]

Patience.

"Some things are worth the wait..."

So now, the waiting game begins...(Well, since Wednesday)
Please don't take too long with your issues, I'm here, I'm willing to wait...


Patience is truly a virtue.

I don't like this feeling...

I felt it coming, I just didn't realize that it would come so soon...I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved, I knew I shouldn't have fallen so quickly for you, but I DID, and now look what's happened, I'm stuck in a little rut, and I'm waiting around for someone who I don't know will even come back to me. I put my heart out there, and now there's no taking anything back..UGH, this makes everything so much more complicated and complex. Me & You, we're a good thing, I know it, I just hope you realize it before it's too late. But for now, I'm swallowing my pride, and letting you deal with whatever you need to deal with, and bury whatever you need to bury up that's been holding you back. I'll be here, I guess, waiting around for you...

Heartache

There's a type of pain and heartache I feel inside I wish I could just easily release and mention to the world, but I can't. No matter how hard I try to even let my fingers type it out, I find myself continuously pressing the backspace button and see it being deleted. It's not that I can't admit that I have this pain inside, but I'm afraid of what people may think of me; rejection. I hate it, I know I've experienced this already a handful of times, but it's not the best feeling in the world, and although I may come off rough a tough, I DO HAVE FEELINGS. I hear the things people say, it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to, but I'm still human.

CUTTING YOU OFF

So basically I've decided to only use my blogger as a place to ramble and vent, and I guess today is just one of those days...

I find myself growing very tired of all this high school drama, especially when 1) I'm not in high school anymore 2) YOU DON'T KNOW ME 3) YOU DON'T KNOW what I'm capable of doing to you. 4)You're not in high school anymore, honaaay, grow up. I'm slowly cutting people out of my life, you know...the one's I reaaally can do without. Although everyone has made some kind of impact in my life good or bad, some people's services are no longer needed. HA! Please don't start with your Myspace and Facebook drama, please don't go on telling your Mommy's and Daddy's on, but if you do, I can deal, I'm an adult, I can hang...I hate how I've considered you family, and you're ignorance and antics have just gotten you no where with me, I've heard the things you have to say, and I see the fear you have in me, and I see you trying to bring me down, but it'll never work, I'm MOST DEFINITELY better than YOU and your FAMILY, sounds so harsh out loud, but it's true...I'M BETTER THAN YOU. But THAAANKS for making me stronger person.

RAMBLING

I feel like I really only seem to blog when things are really bothering me, or when I'm stressed, or 'depressed'...I guess those all really fall into the same category of things that bother me.

So, I don't really know how to word my thoughts right now, So I'll just ramble...

I don't really understand why people just can't be straight up with you, especially those people who say they are nothing but blunt and honest. For compassion? Maybe...
But I don't know, to me, that contradicts the whole being bluntly honest type ordeal. Not to say that I'm a cold hearted jerk (which I'm pretty sure I'm not), but I guess I'm different than others where I can choose my words carefully and know how to let people down easier than what other people can do. And I guess I'm feeling a bit hurt right now, because I DO have friends that are like this, and not just a regular friend, but like people I call CLOSE FRIENDS, even A BEST FRIEND, and they just can't be honest with me, you know? I feel like it's a slap in my face though, I feel like I should re-evaluate the people I keep in my life once again. It sucks you know?

Dear Best Friends,

I'm sorry if you all feel like I'm trying so hard to stay in touch with you, but is it wrong of me to try? I know I always say 'I miss you' or 'Let's catch up' very frequently or in every message, comment or wall post I send to you all, but the truth is, I really DO miss you, and I really DO want to catch up with you. I wish times were a lot simpler and even less busy just so that we all have time for each other again. I understand we all have different lives, have gone on different paths, have relationships, and the list can go on and on and on, but I wish we could have the time we used to have for each other, I wish we could go back to the days where we could call each other between classes, walking to the parking lot, or even while we're in the restroom at home haha. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here, no matter where we all go in life, I promise to stay in touch, don't forget that I'm really just a phone call away. I love you guys, don't forget that either.

Sincerely,
-Arianne

Emotional lately?

I don't know what it up with me lately, maybe it's the weather or maybe it's just the fact that I'm a female and we're just a big ball of random emotions, or maybe it's the fact that my monthly friend has paid me a visit, but whatever it is, I'm an emotional wreck! Every time I watch something or every time I hear something sad I have that lump in my throat and I want to cry, or I don't and I hold it in because I don't want people to see me break down. I think I'm in need of a really good cry session; bad, good, whaaatever! I know I need it...

Good Night, Adieu.
This blog was kind of pointless, but at least I know what I need to do, right?

PRIORITIES

Why is that when a person, or let’s just say…people of ‘high authority’ talk all this pish-posh about being holy and sacrificing things for other things and to prioritize more Godly things before sometimes family, friends, and even relationships, their the first ones who CAN’T and just WON’T?! I mean really, enlighten me here, I guess I’m not quite understanding their motives…Just because you have a ‘high authority’ over other people make it okay for you to be hypocritical? Does it make it okay that when you do these things, you let people down, you let down people who look up to you, and those who always do nothing but praise the things you do. Does it makes it okay?

2008 & going onto 2009

HA! Well, uhhh HAPPY be-lated NEW YEAR world! I must say I procrastinated a bit with my whole 'year end' blog. I've been kinda busy and kinda MIA...Sooo This might be kinda lengthy, but here it goes...

2008 was an interesting year, sometimes I feel like 2008 was a little bland compared to the past few years, but then think about it again, it totally wasn't! A lot of good laughs, a few tears, a lot of arguments, a few weird, random, and awkward relationships, made a few new really good friends, and lost a few of the ones I thought were good, but of course a lot of good times with family and friends.

So let's see...This year I turned 21 (finally!) But it wasn't the '21' I thought it was going to be, I always imagined turning 21 was going to be the BEST thing that would ever happened to me, I always thought it was time to party hard and go out whenever I wanted; basically, have the time of my life and so on and so forth...Not that I'm disappointed or anything, but I realized that I'm not that kind of person anymore. I feel like I'm no longer need to go through that 'phase' in life again, not to say that I have a stick up my butt and can't have a good time, but I really don't need to party and be around large groups of people to have a good time....I have wonderfully amazing family & friends! I feel like I took them a little bit for granted last year, but I promise to make more time for ALL of them. Whenever I was down there’s always someone to bring a smile to my face, a hug when I really needed comforting, or even healing words to stop tears. Even the ones who live further away from me never cease to disappoint me, and even though sometimes our busy lives conflict us from spending time together or even just getting the chance to talk on the phone, I'm so thankful for them and the care, concern, and support they give to me and my family, and they never seem to stop giving and loving me....I had a lot of thinking to do as well, and this wasn't your everyday dilemma, it was one of those "This COULD literally CHANGE my LIFE" thangs, but I've done my thinking and have prayed and prayed and still continue to do so, but only half of my decision is up to me, the rest is up to God, and whatever path he has laid out for me I'll follow, 'nuff said. But this whole ordeal really made me more open minded and more appreciative and more thankful....Boys are totally retarded. They can't make up their minds, and always feel like there's someone else out there who's better. Even though I'm sure sometimes they don't mean to be retarded intentionally, but they are, and don't even realize it. I've been disappointed with a few of them in 2008, most especially the ones who I used to admire and have such high authority. But for them, I can only hope the best for them, and for them to learn their lesson, and just grow up although they had enough growing up to do, one day they'll learn, and hopefully they'll realize that hurting people's feelings and belittling people feelings is not nice…I feel like I really grew up more than I usually do in past years. I know, I know, I always say I ‘grew up’ in my past ‘year end’ blogs, but I feel like I’ve really come into my adulthood, and have accepted the fact that I’m a grown up. I’ve matured, and have learned to be more independent. I’ve really come into my own. I’ve tried not to make the same mistakes twice, and really try not be such a crowd pleaser (because I’m sooo totally over that!) I’ve gotten really picky about who I let into my life, although I’ve lost a few friends whom which I thought were going to be forever and ever in my life, it’s okay, it’s no big deal to me anymore, they obviously just didn’t make the cut. But I’m happy to say that the friends I have now are and will always stay in my life, because those were the ones who have literally stuck by me through thick and thin. Even those select new few, they’re blessings most definitely, and I truly believe that...My relationship with God has gotten a lot stronger and even more personal than ever. Although I always believed that He will give you anything and give you your certainty in life, I’m now an even huuuuge BELIEVER! Not to seem like I wasn’t that big of a believer before, but there have been plenty of things and plenty of times this past year that I’ve had questions about and have asked guidance for and just like that! … I’ve gotten nothing but blessings and answers. The power of prayer is truly the best way to go about things in life. He’ll never let you down.

…I feel 2009 will be a good year, more memories, hopefully mostly good and less bad. Maybe a few new friends, maybe even a relationship, as in FINALLY? Maybe someone will finaaally figure things out?! HAHA Hmm…We’ll see, we shall see indeed!