Monday, August 31, 2009

The end is near.

Revelations 14: 13 - Then I heard a voice from Heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."

Tatay Erdy, you'll be missed, Po! THANK YOU for all the care and concern you have given to my family, the ministerial families, and all of the brethren all around the world. Your legacy will truly be remembered... <3

Dear God, Please allow me to be ready when Your Son returns.

Lessons, decisions and then some

The past few worship services have really made me thankful for all the things God has given to me in my life, most especially my family, duties, and all the other wonderful things and people he's given me. Which makes me feel a bit bad about my decision to step down from being a KADIWA Officer next year. The only reason why I've decided to step down is because some people or person, I will not say which...think I'm trying to take over the organization...blah blah blah! Oh please, no thank you. I don't need the extra drama...I'm just here to help, most especially when a few our officers lag and don't contribute to anything, which is fine, that's life, and that's how people are, but its sucks when they're the ones who are talking all that mess. It gets hard though, you know? We're all human. Since the 1st week I've moved here, I've done nothing but put in that extra 2 cents, possibly more to help out in everything, and I DO see the progress, I just feel like once I leave, it won't continue with it's consistency, I'm afraid all of the hard work we've ALL done the past 2 years will slowly go back to how it was before. Not only am I, but so are 9 other officers, and we 14 officers. Its a bit scary, but I guess we'll never know what everyone else is capable of unless we let go, right? I mean I'M for sure not gonna be in Fresno forever, obviously. But we'll's only August, well...SEPTEMBER practically. I still have time to think about this decision.

Oh and this is RANDOM, but these SoCal fires are freaking me out. Is this a preview of what Judgment Day is gonna look like? Oh maaan...but anyway, BE SAFE everyone!

Annnd LASTYLY despite all my emo-ness this past month....I'm doing GREAAAT! Slowly but surely things are going back to normal, and my eyes are no longer puffy and disgusting at night, random have been filled with good conversations, and I've been sleeping better. But forreaaal God hellaaa listens, He KNOWS wuuussup! Let's just say that ;)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Don't forget about me...

Lemoore's 25th anniversary, June 13, 2009 = Gooood day, "Hey who's that dude in the blue?!", "Oh he's a cuuutie! Hollaaa", "Hey, ima hook you up with that foo hahah", Referee'ing, "sleeping", "Noooo, I didn't sneak out", Hanford, BBQ'ing, Cranium, Mafia in the dark, Spiders, "That kind of girl", Surprise IM's, Surprise Facebook messages, "With a brother from Long Beach ;)", Surprise phone calls, July 2nd, "Sweetie", "My dear", Meeting my mom, Lunch at BJ's, Forgetting to bring church clothes, Macy's, 80% off?!, "Go get those shoes!", .... ;), You had me at HELLO, Nightly convo's, The question's game, Nightly convo's, The question's game, WE don't break PROMISES, 4:30 am wake up calls, "Nightly convo tonight, okay?", Call me later?, Online shopping, "You can use my camera", 95th Anniversary Weekend, Mixer, McDonald's turned Jack in the Box run, "Ayyye, I'm gonna ask for directions", "Walk on the OTHER side of me", "Okay, FINE, give me your arm!", Kiss me through the Phone by Souljah Boy, "This is how we do in Long Beach", Staying out late at my hotel, BUT outside, SCAN's watching us!, Can you just stay a liiiittle bit longer?, "I'm sleeepy", Lee's Noodle's, Late night adventures, Bad at directions, "WE don't even live here!", Wasting gas in San Jose, nightly convo's, 5:30 am wake up calls, nightly convo's, Don't forget to call me in the morning, No need to rush into things, I like talking to you =], I don't mind the wait. <3

Miss you.
Don't forget me.


"You are my strength when I grow weary
In time of loneliness and despair
And with your love for me unfailing
You comfort me in every prayer."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Blessed and then some.

I'm truly blessed with amaaaazing friends and family. At times I know I take them fore-granted because I'm literally alwaaays busy with all my church and school stuff, and I don't get a chance to talk to them as much as I would like, and I'm sure the feeling is the same vice versa. I feel like I've taken them even more fore-granted this past month because of my 'emo-ness', and it's obvious that I'm not myself right now, but I'm glad my friends and family always make that extra effort to always check up on me, and continuously do so, even when I don't let them. I love them, thanks for caring you guys <3

I'm slowly letting go and slowly coming into the realization that this whole 'being patient' process might take a while, and like I said, "I'm willing to wait" and I'm sticking to my word, I really thought this was gonna be an easy process, you know, wait a few days, and maybe a week or two at the longest...but people need time to heal, and I can't be as selfish as I would like to be, I'm being considerate to his feelings as he did with mine. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? But we'll see though, right? Only God knows what the future holds, but I'm praying for bigger and better thangs and to keep me strong no matter what happens...

So last night I was talking to Mhyrees; she just turned 21... She's ONLY a year younger than me, but when she was younger, I thought of her as just this little girl who was annoying, and when I would see her at school or even at church, I would just say HI to be nice, but other times I would just try and avoid her...HAHA Sorry Mhyrees! But I never thought she'd have so much significance in my life. The girl has most def. grown up. It still amazes me with the amount of maturity she has. Even though we're far away from each other, she is always in total 'Mama Mode' and always checking up on me, and is always willing to give me advice but its never too overwhelming and is always considerate of my feelings, especially when I'm hellaa emotional. Last night, it hit me, and she is FORREAAL my sister, we've always said we were adopted sisters, but she IS my sister =] Thaaanks for everything, MAH-RES =]

Sunday, August 23, 2009

You feelin' me?

You said you didn't want to see me get hurt,
so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried?

I wish I had the guts to walk away
and forget about what we had.
But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me,
and I guess that's what hurts the most.

Nobody said it was easy...
no one ever said it would be this hard.

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

22 years.

For the first time ever in my 22 years of life, I can truly say that I'm HEART BROKEN, and I'm THAT girl...the 'broken hearted girl'. This is one of the most painful feelings in the world, and I don't like it, the feeling feels endless and literally heart pounding pain.

Dear God, please give me the strength to not feel like this anymore...Make me a stronger person, allow US to get through this, allow me to get through this, and most of all, give me the strong Faith and Patience. Amem.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The questions game...

Is this all fun and games to you?
What do you want from me?
Where do we go from here?
Is this how it is?

Miss you. 2 words, that's all.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Come away with me...

I'm really in NEED of a get-away...Fresno is depressing me right now totally putting a downer on my mood, and it's not helping.

Monday, First day of Fall Semester & the surprise of my week...can't say I was excited, and I can't say it made my day, but now I'm wondering, "What now?"...him and I , we're good, so we said...but are WE? I don't know...this is sooo frustrating, endless, tiring, emotional, draining, unpredictable...any more adjectives?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Things I want you to know...

1) List things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.

1. I'm not okay, okay?!

2. I've NEVER cried over someone as much as I have for you.

3. I know I should move on, but there's something inside of me that just keeps holding onto you. I'm stuck.

4. August has been the suckiest month this year.

5. My friends think your a jerk for putting me through this; waiting for you, telling me how you feel and then telling me you're not ready, but there's no reason
to be angry with you and makes it hurt even more. I think you're amazing.

6. I feel like you hellaaa played me.

7. I'm hurting inside, literally.

8. You've made me an emotional wreck.

9. Things are gonna get better right?

10. There's so many things I want to say to you, but you won't let me.

11. I hope you feel as down as I do right now, maybe even worse. Mean, right?

12. When I was with you, I couldn't breathe, the good kind though.

13. Me being a girl, my period, being stressed out, and crying is not a good mix.

14. My Facebook status' are about you, I hope you know that.

15. You're hellaaa childish, I hate that we can't even talk.

16. I miss the nightly convo's and 5:30 wake up calls =/

17. Beyonce's 'Broken Hearted Girl' is my song, I've become the broken hearted girl.

18. I'm sorry for being selfish, but is it bad that I just want you all to myself?

19. I'm blessed to have met you.

20. I haven't felt cute at all this month, thanks. My eyes are always puffy, and

21. I'm always thinking about you.

22. You broke your promise =/

23. I'm waiting for you. Please don't make me wait too long.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Goodbye Summer...

This is the last week of so-called "freedom". School starts again on Monday and in a way I'm somewhat excited, now I have thaangs to do, "people" to see, and things to keep me preoccupied and not think about my current situation, annnd my late nights will consist of homework and readings...Oh joy.

Let's re-cap this summer shall we? Okay! I must admit, that this summer wasn't all that. A few highlights I must say were my summer "fling" and of course, the 95th Anniversary weekend. Both in which totally made Summer '09 a hellaaa memorable one. The summer fling I have to admit was amazing, I can finally say that I had one, and thank you Michael for being a part of it. Although I'm still hurting inside, I know that you're still worth the wait, and whatever happens in the future, I only hope for good things, whether or not it's with you or without you. The 95th was an amazing experience, and I'm glad I was able to witness it with my family, close friends and what was it? 17,000+ brethren. The lesson was amazing along with the GEMNET presentations, and the broadcasting of the 95th Anniversary Celebration in the Philippines and special message from Tatay Erdy. God's presence was among us at the HP Pavilion, and it was a great feeling to have felt it. It was definitely a weekend I wish I could relive over and over again... I can't wait for the 100th!

Until next summer =]

Friday, August 7, 2009


"Some things are worth the wait..."

So now, the waiting game begins...(Well, since Wednesday)
Please don't take too long with your issues, I'm here, I'm willing to wait...

Patience is truly a virtue.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I don't like this feeling...

I felt it coming, I just didn't realize that it would come so soon...I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved, I knew I shouldn't have fallen so quickly for you, but I DID, and now look what's happened, I'm stuck in a little rut, and I'm waiting around for someone who I don't know will even come back to me. I put my heart out there, and now there's no taking anything back..UGH, this makes everything so much more complicated and complex. Me & You, we're a good thing, I know it, I just hope you realize it before it's too late. But for now, I'm swallowing my pride, and letting you deal with whatever you need to deal with, and bury whatever you need to bury up that's been holding you back. I'll be here, I guess, waiting around for you...