CUTTING YOU OFF

So basically I've decided to only use my blogger as a place to ramble and vent, and I guess today is just one of those days...

I find myself growing very tired of all this high school drama, especially when 1) I'm not in high school anymore 2) YOU DON'T KNOW ME 3) YOU DON'T KNOW what I'm capable of doing to you. 4)You're not in high school anymore, honaaay, grow up. I'm slowly cutting people out of my life, you know...the one's I reaaally can do without. Although everyone has made some kind of impact in my life good or bad, some people's services are no longer needed. HA! Please don't start with your Myspace and Facebook drama, please don't go on telling your Mommy's and Daddy's on, but if you do, I can deal, I'm an adult, I can hang...I hate how I've considered you family, and you're ignorance and antics have just gotten you no where with me, I've heard the things you have to say, and I see the fear you have in me, and I see you trying to bring me down, but it'll never work, I'm MOST DEFINITELY better than YOU and your FAMILY, sounds so harsh out loud, but it's true...I'M BETTER THAN YOU. But THAAANKS for making me stronger person.

RAMBLING

I feel like I really only seem to blog when things are really bothering me, or when I'm stressed, or 'depressed'...I guess those all really fall into the same category of things that bother me.

So, I don't really know how to word my thoughts right now, So I'll just ramble...

I don't really understand why people just can't be straight up with you, especially those people who say they are nothing but blunt and honest. For compassion? Maybe...
But I don't know, to me, that contradicts the whole being bluntly honest type ordeal. Not to say that I'm a cold hearted jerk (which I'm pretty sure I'm not), but I guess I'm different than others where I can choose my words carefully and know how to let people down easier than what other people can do. And I guess I'm feeling a bit hurt right now, because I DO have friends that are like this, and not just a regular friend, but like people I call CLOSE FRIENDS, even A BEST FRIEND, and they just can't be honest with me, you know? I feel like it's a slap in my face though, I feel like I should re-evaluate the people I keep in my life once again. It sucks you know?

Dear Best Friends,

I'm sorry if you all feel like I'm trying so hard to stay in touch with you, but is it wrong of me to try? I know I always say 'I miss you' or 'Let's catch up' very frequently or in every message, comment or wall post I send to you all, but the truth is, I really DO miss you, and I really DO want to catch up with you. I wish times were a lot simpler and even less busy just so that we all have time for each other again. I understand we all have different lives, have gone on different paths, have relationships, and the list can go on and on and on, but I wish we could have the time we used to have for each other, I wish we could go back to the days where we could call each other between classes, walking to the parking lot, or even while we're in the restroom at home haha. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here, no matter where we all go in life, I promise to stay in touch, don't forget that I'm really just a phone call away. I love you guys, don't forget that either.

Sincerely,
-Arianne

Emotional lately?

I don't know what it up with me lately, maybe it's the weather or maybe it's just the fact that I'm a female and we're just a big ball of random emotions, or maybe it's the fact that my monthly friend has paid me a visit, but whatever it is, I'm an emotional wreck! Every time I watch something or every time I hear something sad I have that lump in my throat and I want to cry, or I don't and I hold it in because I don't want people to see me break down. I think I'm in need of a really good cry session; bad, good, whaaatever! I know I need it...

Good Night, Adieu.
This blog was kind of pointless, but at least I know what I need to do, right?

PRIORITIES

Why is that when a person, or let’s just say…people of ‘high authority’ talk all this pish-posh about being holy and sacrificing things for other things and to prioritize more Godly things before sometimes family, friends, and even relationships, their the first ones who CAN’T and just WON’T?! I mean really, enlighten me here, I guess I’m not quite understanding their motives…Just because you have a ‘high authority’ over other people make it okay for you to be hypocritical? Does it make it okay that when you do these things, you let people down, you let down people who look up to you, and those who always do nothing but praise the things you do. Does it makes it okay?

2008 & going onto 2009

HA! Well, uhhh HAPPY be-lated NEW YEAR world! I must say I procrastinated a bit with my whole 'year end' blog. I've been kinda busy and kinda MIA...Sooo This might be kinda lengthy, but here it goes...

2008 was an interesting year, sometimes I feel like 2008 was a little bland compared to the past few years, but then think about it again, it totally wasn't! A lot of good laughs, a few tears, a lot of arguments, a few weird, random, and awkward relationships, made a few new really good friends, and lost a few of the ones I thought were good, but of course a lot of good times with family and friends.

So let's see...This year I turned 21 (finally!) But it wasn't the '21' I thought it was going to be, I always imagined turning 21 was going to be the BEST thing that would ever happened to me, I always thought it was time to party hard and go out whenever I wanted; basically, have the time of my life and so on and so forth...Not that I'm disappointed or anything, but I realized that I'm not that kind of person anymore. I feel like I'm no longer need to go through that 'phase' in life again, not to say that I have a stick up my butt and can't have a good time, but I really don't need to party and be around large groups of people to have a good time....I have wonderfully amazing family & friends! I feel like I took them a little bit for granted last year, but I promise to make more time for ALL of them. Whenever I was down there’s always someone to bring a smile to my face, a hug when I really needed comforting, or even healing words to stop tears. Even the ones who live further away from me never cease to disappoint me, and even though sometimes our busy lives conflict us from spending time together or even just getting the chance to talk on the phone, I'm so thankful for them and the care, concern, and support they give to me and my family, and they never seem to stop giving and loving me....I had a lot of thinking to do as well, and this wasn't your everyday dilemma, it was one of those "This COULD literally CHANGE my LIFE" thangs, but I've done my thinking and have prayed and prayed and still continue to do so, but only half of my decision is up to me, the rest is up to God, and whatever path he has laid out for me I'll follow, 'nuff said. But this whole ordeal really made me more open minded and more appreciative and more thankful....Boys are totally retarded. They can't make up their minds, and always feel like there's someone else out there who's better. Even though I'm sure sometimes they don't mean to be retarded intentionally, but they are, and don't even realize it. I've been disappointed with a few of them in 2008, most especially the ones who I used to admire and have such high authority. But for them, I can only hope the best for them, and for them to learn their lesson, and just grow up although they had enough growing up to do, one day they'll learn, and hopefully they'll realize that hurting people's feelings and belittling people feelings is not nice…I feel like I really grew up more than I usually do in past years. I know, I know, I always say I ‘grew up’ in my past ‘year end’ blogs, but I feel like I’ve really come into my adulthood, and have accepted the fact that I’m a grown up. I’ve matured, and have learned to be more independent. I’ve really come into my own. I’ve tried not to make the same mistakes twice, and really try not be such a crowd pleaser (because I’m sooo totally over that!) I’ve gotten really picky about who I let into my life, although I’ve lost a few friends whom which I thought were going to be forever and ever in my life, it’s okay, it’s no big deal to me anymore, they obviously just didn’t make the cut. But I’m happy to say that the friends I have now are and will always stay in my life, because those were the ones who have literally stuck by me through thick and thin. Even those select new few, they’re blessings most definitely, and I truly believe that...My relationship with God has gotten a lot stronger and even more personal than ever. Although I always believed that He will give you anything and give you your certainty in life, I’m now an even huuuuge BELIEVER! Not to seem like I wasn’t that big of a believer before, but there have been plenty of things and plenty of times this past year that I’ve had questions about and have asked guidance for and just like that! … I’ve gotten nothing but blessings and answers. The power of prayer is truly the best way to go about things in life. He’ll never let you down.

…I feel 2009 will be a good year, more memories, hopefully mostly good and less bad. Maybe a few new friends, maybe even a relationship, as in FINALLY? Maybe someone will finaaally figure things out?! HAHA Hmm…We’ll see, we shall see indeed!

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

In a few hours 2008 will end, and 2009 will begin (uh DUH)...
I'm excited for what's to come...
but for now, I'll continue later with my 'year end' blog.