October

It feels like October has been such an emotional month for me, and even for my close friends. It makes me sad to see or hear my friends going though their own downfalls, most especially when I myself am going through so many of my own.
Every time I close my eyes to pray I can't help but release, sometimes the tears don't stop, I let Him know what I'm feeling. When I sing, every word touches my heart and soul, because I AM going through these things; lonliness, weakness, endless sacrifice, etc. and sometimes there's no one else who understands me, but I know God knows, he knows that I won't feel like this for long, and He will ease my heart. Last Sunday and today I hit a low point. It was a horrible feeling, I let people see me weak and down, I let them see me as not being able to hold in my emotions, I let them see me cry, I let them see my vulnerability. And yes, I AM human, I can be an emotional wreck just like the next person, but I've trained myself to not let people see me like that, and just hold it in, I have tough skin, I don't like to let people see me as being weak. I refuse to let people use my emotions as me being a weak person, because I'm not, and anyone who knows me well enough know that I'm not. God knows I'm not weak, I am only human.

I've learned a lot about a few people that I once admired, and I've been nothing but disappointed by them. The things people say usually don't phase me, I believe people deserve a chance, a chance to prove the majorty wrong, a chance to make people hush their mouths. The sad thing is that the majority ended up being right, and I feel dumb-founded and even though no one has said it yet, I got a big "I told you so" slapped right into my face. I guess sometimes, people don't take the chance that you give them.